Truth be told, most weekends I feel lots of pressure to go out and have lots of fun before the work week begins again. And lots of times, we just end up playing catch up the entire weekend with lots of guilt on Sunday nights. Are we doing enough with her to look back on when we’re some place new and she’s not so little?
I’m always trying to find the balance between being intentional with our time left in Washington when Lawson is this age and relaxing, having a clean house, and, honestly just keeping it together.
The weekend started with Cameron taking Lawson with him to go to a game night hosted by his squadron’s FRG.
I was planning on going, but, wow, was I worn out and so behind on…everything.
I ordered another laundry hamper because I was annoyed at ours constantly overflowing (at least, placing that order is on the to do list). It was grocery time, which meant it was meal planning time, not to mention probably past clean-out-the-fridge time. And the stack of garage sale leftovers in my laundry room. And open orders. My floors probably could use a good mop. And, I’m so far behind in school, I’ve switched from weekly calls to my advisor to emails so I don’t have to keep thinking of excuses why I haven’t made as much progress as I wanted to.
And, Friday night was the first time I have been completely alone since Lawson was born, other than in the car driving back to her.
I’m an introvert. I get to a point where personal space outweighs everything else. And, well, that doesn’t fit into newborn life, at all. Especially when our family is thousands of miles away and can’t step in to lighten the load.
I’m not complaining, but I’m just trying to paint the picture–“balance” is fictional in this stage of our lives. We are constantly racing against everything, and there is no time to breathe.
Except on Friday. I only really got the grocery shopping done, but it really wasn’t about the list, and I felt like myself for the first time in months.
Then, on Sunday, a local farm put on a Harvest Faire, with vendors, ciders, and opened up the fields for us to explore.
So, we decided to go, and we had so much fun.
The next part is basically just a photo dump, so you’ve been warned!
After buying bouquets from the booth (truck) on the right, they told us to walk past the parking lot and go into the field if we wanted to see where the flowers are grown. This spot was gorgeous!
And, that was Sunday! After this, Cameron went with his friends, while Lawson and I stayed at home.
And then today, I was working as soon as I woke up to catch up from what didn’t get done this weekend (even before my coffee!). I had to erase our to do list whiteboard on the fridge and write smaller to get it all to fit.
So, really, there is no balance right now, and everything is a trade off. A fun day on Sunday means a rough Monday, maybe Tuesday or even Wednesday.
I hope this doesn’t come off as ungrateful or complaining, but to be real, this newborn season is hard. I tell Cameron most days I feel like a hamster on a wheel, and everything is rushed into a nap time or into the night until I can’t keep my eyes open, and it feels like nothing gets done even though we are both running at full capacity, doing past what we thought our best was.
Newborn life is obviously so great, spending as much time as possible with Lawson and soaking up her being so little. I know it goes fast and I am so blessed to have her as my child. But, wow, is it hard. I’m not looking for advice or even sympathy, just sharing where I’m at.
That was our weekend, and instead of just sharing happy photos in front of a barn or in a flower field, I wanted to share the reality of what goes on after those two hours when we go back home. We don’t have it all together, obviously. We are just hanging on–loving every minute–but hanging on, like everyone else. The photos and the fun memories are priceless, but you don’t see the 2 AMs, the blowouts, the screaming baby, and the endless to-do lists.